一期一会 » MEETING ONCE IN A LIFETIME

[stormbelow]

He didn't stay in the nexus after the encounter left him all tense and anxious, two sensations he'd pretty much been hoping to avoid for at least a little while longer while he got things back to normal. He didn't even bother finishing the rest of his errands; there was no time for that.

Instead, he goes straight back home. The second he sets foot in the house, he senses around for Harvestman's presence, hoping like hell that he won't have to track him down anywhere else.

"John?"

Comments

[stormbelow]

"You told Gabriel about Brisbane, you got it out there." He doesn't mention the undead thing, because Harvestman is probably already shaken up enough by that. "That was a big deal."

[fuckvampires]

This doesn't register. His eyes are unfocused and glassy. "You could've gotten hurt. He could have hurt you."

[stormbelow]

"John. Hey." He reaches up, pats Harvestman's cheek and cups his face. "Don't worry about 'could have'. You did the right thing. Now Gabriel and... whoever else is going to be involved can figure out how to handle this."

[fuckvampires]

Harvestman curls his hand around Arashi's, but the glassy look doesn't go away. "I'm a fucking curse."

[stormbelow]

"You're not a curse." If Harvestman were anyone else, that would have come out with a lot more venom and profanity, but his tone remains patient and firm. "People aren't curses. I grew up in the 17th century and even I think that's bullshit."

He mostly says it to try and coax anything out of Harvestman that isn't that dead-eyed look, but it's hard to back it up with a smile. He just gives Harvestman's hand a squeeze.

"Want to head home?"

[fuckvampires]

There's a spark flaring in Harvestman's eyes that indicates he's fully prepared to argue, but it dies before he tries. He shakes his head instead, the glassy look fading, but not completely.

"No. It feels like being in a cage sometimes."

[stormbelow]

Arashi has several things he could say to that, but none of them are particularly nice so he doesn't. He purses his lips, glancing around the room.

"Do you want to sit quietly in here for a while?"

[fuckvampires]

Harvestman knits his fingers together with Arashi's and squeezes back, gently. "Can we go outside?"

[stormbelow]

"Sure."

He stands up, tugging Harvestman's hand to bring him along as well. Arashi leads the way back upstairs and out of the rest house into the cool night air.

This particular safe zone is well off the beaten path; there's nothing around them but woods, and visible in the distance are the snowy peaks of the Sierra Nevada. Through the trees, the lights of a town are visible down in the valley, but they're far off, and there appears to be no easy path to reach it (at least, not for humans). Arashi doesn't say anything, just brings Harvestman to the edge of the wooden porch, their hands still clasped.

[fuckvampires]

It's been a long time since he's been out of a city, excluding Arashi's isolated home. It was dangerous; no buildings to take cover in, much less food to choose from. In his world, it was also a place to encounter supernatural beings less inclined toward cities - those less likely to take kindly to his unnatural self intruding, no matter how unnatural they may be themselves.

He breathes in deeply, sighs, and rests his head against Arashi's shoulder. "Sorry. I know you don't like talking 'bout it."

[stormbelow]

Arashi bears no particular attachment to this rest house or this area; he'd only wanted someplace where they would all be the least likely to run into anyone else. Not that he was especially worried, but when bringing a Hunter across worlds, it was better to be safe than sorry. He just stands at Harvestman's side and stares distractedly down at the lights far below them, until Harvestman's words make him blink out of it, wondering how they came back around to him already. "Talking about what?"

[fuckvampires]

"You don't like to talk about Brisbane." He curls his fingers along Arashi's palm, tracing the curves of the vampire's cold skin.

[stormbelow]

"Well, you don't like it when I yell." And when they do talk about Brisbane, sooner or later it always seems to turn to yelling. "Why does it matter?"

[fuckvampires]

"Because I have to talk about it. Because I'll go fucking crazy if I don't." There's a begging tone in Harvestman's voice. His grip on Arashi's hand becomes tighter. "Because I don't know if I can tell what's right and wrong when it comes to... the way he's treated me. Even less now. I don't know, Arashi. Or I can't admit I know."

[stormbelow]

Arashi listens silently, not returning the squeeze, not looking at Harvestman. It isn't out of anger -- what Harvestman is saying is (perhaps unfortunately) not unreasonable -- but more a sense of dread, and uncomfortable resignation.

"I can't promise not to get angry," he finally answers, tone even despite that sinking sensation. "I hate him for what he's already done to you. But if you really need to talk about it, I think I can at least promise to stay quiet until you're done."

[fuckvampires]

Harvestman remains silent, unable to subject Arashi to it despite the reluctant willingness. He understood why the other vampire reacted like that - he understood, maybe not completely, but well enough.

And yet he has to shatter that silence somehow, if only with a whisper. "If you hit me, I wouldn't leave you."

[stormbelow]

It is extremely difficult not to react to a statement like that, but Arashi manages to keep it to an abrupt, violent tension in his whole body, and bites his tongue because he did promise that he would stay quiet. He doesn't actually know what to say to that, or rather what he should say. Never once has it even occurred to him to hit Harvestman (although there's been plenty of times where he's wanted to grab him and shake him).

Unfortunately, he knows that it's true; it hasn't been difficult to gather up to this point how Harvestman handles his personal relationships, as well as the conflicts within them. All he can hope is that Harvestman knows he would never do that.

[fuckvampires]

"Because it's expected. Because I - " He cuts himself off, pulling his hand away from Arashi to hug himself. "I get upset when you get mad 'cause I expect that. I expect it to follow shouting. When I said you reminded me of Brisbane, it ain't - it ain't you. It was never you. It's him. I look for him in other people."

His grip on his arms tighten. His nails are digging into his skin. "Leander wasn't anything like him, I kept testing him to be sure. But he couldn't stop me from hurting him, not like Micah could."

[stormbelow]

Arashi lets go of Harvestman's hand, but as soon as he notices the way Harvestman is unconsciously threatening to punch holes in his skin, he grabs them both, and tugs the other vampire down to sit on the first step of the wooden porch. What Harvestman is saying isn't exactly new, but everything carries entirely new implications now, and Arashi frowns down at their hands, folding Harvestman's in his own so that he can't hurt himself.

[fuckvampires]

He resists at first, but not enough to stop Arashi from sitting them down. Staring down at their hands, he realizes he's lost the point - if he had one. "I'm sorry," he says softly. "I'm sorry."

[stormbelow]

"I know you are." This time he does speak up, but his voice is quiet, and he squeezes their hands a little. He knows Harvestman is sorry and he doesn't want to hear it for the millionth time. "Now it's time to move past it. What you did tonight was so important, John. You've probably saved lives, do you understand that?"

[fuckvampires]

"I let him near her. I let her stay there even after I knew." He leans against Arashi again, voice getting quieter. "I won't stop testing you."

[stormbelow]

"John. Let me put this as clearly as I can." Arashi releases their hands to take Harvestman's shoulders and turn him so that he can stare right into the other vampire's eyes. "You are not more than I can handle. If I didn't want this test, I wouldn't still be taking it. So if you need me to keep proving that to you, then fine, I will, but stop reminding me, all right? I'm not stupid."

He drops his hands to find Harvestman's again, weaving their fingers back together. "Have you noticed how everyone always talks about how tough she is? And how much people like her? She's not on her own."

[fuckvampires]

"I know." Harvestman leans forward, pressing his forehead to Arashi's. "I missed you so much," he mumbles. "I would've given everything to get you back. You know? I'd give everything to keep you from ever leaving again."

[stormbelow]

"No you wouldn't. And I don't want you to." He brings two woven hands up, and pats Harvestman's cheek with two palms, one from each of them. "You need to let that go. Okay? Because I did come back, and I learned from what happened. But I also know how bad it can fuck you up to hold onto shit like that, and I don't ever want that for you."